Last day of radiation

My sister took me to lunch to celebrate my last day of radiation and we were remembering the day I went into the hospital and how very out of touch I was.

My man knew I was really sick. He knew that my balance was off and that I wasn’t making sense. He knew I was sleeping most of the day. He even asked me if I was drinking.

I have a strong and controling personaltity that I call a “know it all” personality. It gives the illusion of order or the illusion that I can control the situation or life.

I told him I was fine, it was just the flu and I’d feel better in a day or two – which stretched into a week or two.

It is all an illusion.

My “not wanting to be sick” did not make that true. And it may have confused or extended my own suffering.

My sister remembers watching me drag my left foot and the angle was so strange she knew that I didn’t have any feeling in the foot.

As they took me into the ER, they put me into a wheelchair, and I didn’t realize that my left foot was stuck under the chair. I couldn’t feel it at all.

Today, just 2 months later – and truly within days of the surgery –  I am up and walking. My balance is great, I have been running, I walk the dog eve ry day. I ride my bike, I am mobile and stable.

The tumor is removed and the remnants are disappearing.

This week I am being weaned off of a steroid that shrinks the tumor, makes me puffy and bloated but also gives me energy.

I have had a few headaches and am taking naps in the afternoon and my balance is a little bit less stable but all in all, it’s been a smooth transition with minimal  side effects.

I am grateful for my life today; my man, my friends, my dream team of doctors that are healing me, my dog, my home, my life makes me smile every day but I had to let it be what it was and not try to control it.

When I get out of the way it gives god enough room to work her miracles and she has been working overtime in my life.

It’s a whole new life and the future has never been so bright.