Damsel Drama or Awakening Your Man

At dinner last night I told the Caveman that he was the biggest gift that I got out of having a brain tumor.  [sounds kinda weird when I say it out loud but, he got it] and he held his bent elbow out for me, I grabbed onto his left bicep  and we went inside.

Today that got me thinking.

We had been together a couple years before went to the hospital. He was already my man. He took care of me and pushed me up into his truck to get me in and held doors and rolled his eyes and sighed when I went to hug and kiss him; all the while loving the attention, but the level of our intimacy just exploded when he went home to an empty house and realized what that was like. Or when I was super vulnerable in the hospital, being shown pictures of crazy stuff growing in my brain and the idea of a huge brain surgery, and having him by my side through the whole thing. My rock, my love, my man.

In the hospital I learned that, in our relationship, my vulnerability is my strength.

I was only in the hospital for 5 days but, every time I woke up my man was in the room, sleeping, watching me, fielding questions from the doctors and generally watching over me.

I have never had that kind of presence from the caveman, or any man.

The media wants us to think that spending a paycheck on some fossilized carbon “proves” that you love someone but all a girl really wants is for her man to “show up” for her. There was a study done about what kind of movie a man should take a woman to for a first date and it wasn’t a “chick flick”. It was a kinda scary thriller/action movie – one where the woman could be scared and hold onto her big strong man for support.  That’s the whole male/female bonding attraction thing!

Now, the last thing I want for you is to develop some rare cancer just so you can see if your man is really your man. But it also got me thinking about how screwed up we are as a society; domestic abuse – and how that is really just a play for power. We are cranking out warrior women these days. We can do it all, have it all, be it all, women on the combat line, women in corporate leadership …except that we can’t be a women, we can’t be soft, we can’t even wear pink!

Women don’t cry these days, women aren’t vulnerable, women won’t LET their man be their man.

We’ve sterilized our men, given their castrated balls to the women and then complain about the subservient butler we’ve created.

I just had a conversation with a girlfriend about how she loves her man but doesn’t want to let go of her paycheck and let her man take care of her. BUT THAT’S THE WAY HE HAS TO SHOW YOU THAT HE LOVES YOU

and the way you can show him that he’s your man is to be vulnerable for him.

Scary stuff, especially for those old un-healed wounds.

There is no woolly mammoth that he can save you from – besides, he’s a corporate guy and the most masculine thing he does each day is yell at his supply chain vendor.

We’ve sterilized our men and given their castrated balls to the woman.

I know that I used to find the illusion of safety in being able to control things.  Control was the only tool I had to try to create some order in my life but I didn’t really want to manipulate and control someone, what I really wanted was to be loved.

Thinking that was unatainable, I put a bandaid of control over the “wanting to be loved” wound and pretended that was enough.

Today I have a love that I could never have imaged and I don’t even pretend to control that crazy man.  I just get a big goofy smile on my face when he walks through the door, take his big embrace and, fetch him some ice tea as he heads to his chair and leave him in front of the stupid crap he watches on TV.

So, my question for you today, my warrior woman, is without creating drama or problems just for him to solve, what walls are you ready to drop today to be vulnerable with your man today?